By Mufti Muhammad Ibn Adam

Q) Five years ago I was coerced into a forced arranged marriage; I mumbled the words "accept" as I wanted to return back to the UK. Since that day I have had no contact with my "wife" and my family has realized that I am not happy. After 5 years they are ready to bring her over from Pakistan, however I do not feel that I can take her as my wife. I can't seem to see the qualities in her for a wife, and there are too many cultural differences, she is uneducated and I am a professional. I neither find her attractive and can't see any good characteristics - I wish for a practicing strong Muslim who will make my children good strong Muslims. I have tried to ask myself sincerely whether I could live with her as husband and wife, and if I can change her - but realistically I can't, and there is no common ground. Though I am closer to my din than before, my family is non-practicing. Several discussions have occurred with my parents regarding this issue; all they believe is that it will work as they did the same. I intend to do istikharah. What do I do, and what is the ruling.

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

If you did accept her as your wife meaning that offer (ijab) and acceptance (qabul) did take place in the presence of two male witnesses, then you are considered Islamically married, hence she is your wife and you her husband. You state that you did say “accept”, thus I presume your marriage is valid.

If you were forced into marrying her and you do not wish to remain married to her, then there would be nothing wrong Islamically in divorcing her. It is your right whom you marry, hence the decision is yours. At times, it is better to part ways in the early stages and before consummation, rather than have problems later on.

Thus, you need to really discuss matters with your parents, family, relatives and a local scholar of knowledge and piety. If you think you will not be able to maintain her as a wife and fulfill her rights, you may divorce her, as this would be lesser harm.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK

Q) Forced into going to Pakistan by parents: what should one do?
Assalamu Alaikum,

If you do not go with them to Pakistan, what are your alternatives? Who will you stay with? If you do intend to stay with someone other than your family, it will never be the same as your own family. My advice is that, since you really don’t have a choice, go with them. Try to do well in your studies there. Since most likely you have a passport other than a Pakistani one, you can always come back later on in life when you get older. But for now, fulfill your parent’s wishes. You will find much peace in obeying your parents at this important juncture of your life.

Try to have a positive outlook on life and Insha Allah even when you don’t want to do things, you will still live a life of peace and serenity. Otherwise if you think that, “Man! I am being forced into doing something I don’t want to do”, then you will always be depressed and grumpy and you might even disobey your parents and earn Allah’s wrath.

So the best thing to do in this situation is go along with your parents and study properly at school and get a good degree and then return to whichever country you are going from. I know some students who have gone to Pakistan to become doctors so the education there must be good. Also, life is a chill there especially the night life. Eating nihari and kababs and karahi gosht till the late hours of the night will be your fondest memories when you come back, Insha Allah.


And Allah knows best,

Nazim Mangera
Chicago, USA

Q) Her parents want her to marry a guy who does not seem to be pious, they tell her she will be engaged to him soon. She has tried to explain to them why she does not want to marry him but it hasn't helped. What should she do? Please give some guidance. I think I read in "Reliance of the Traveller" that in the Shafi`i madhhab (Allah bless their Imams) a father can marry a virgin daughter without her consent. What is the ruling in our madhhab (Allah bless our Imams and may Allah bless you and give you good).

Assalamu alaikum,

In `Allama Qudri Basha’s definitive codification of Hanafi person law, it states that:

(Item 53)

An adult free woman may not be forced to marry, whether she is a virgin or a non-virgin.

Rather, it is necessary to get her permission and approval. If she is a virgin and her immediate guardian (wali), or his agent (wakeel) or messenger (rasul) sought her approval before marrying her off or if he married her off… and she knew the husband and the mahr and maintained her silence from refusing, without being forced, or smiled or laughed without doing so scoffingly, or cried without a voice, then [in all these cases] this is considered an approval [f: legally, though it is religiously recommended to seek explicit approval]… (al-Ahkam al-Shar`iyya fi’l Ahwal al-Shakhsiyya)

As such, they have no right to marry her to someone she does not approve of, especially if he is not religious. If he is not a suitable match, then she is not wronging her parents in any way by not obeying them in such a marriage, though she must remain polite, non-confrontational, and well-mannered, for this is their right.

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani

Article taken (with Thanks) from Daruliftaa.com