How to find Sakinah in the family?

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Mohtaram Mufti sb.

I have gone through the website and found very good information. In fact, I was looking for some online guidance as I am worried about a few matters. Our family have all the time tension without solid reasons, we do not have material problems, we have enough resources as we all have grown up and are earning but we all remain tense always and remain angry at each other without reasons, just on small matters. We were not like that, we had the culture of mutual care, love and respect but at present it is not like that. We all are worried, the situation is like this from the last three years. Please guide us, help us. I am writing to you from my office as I cannot concentrate on my work today, I wish to find some solution because the tension is affecting our productivity. I would mention here that our family is honest, hardworking, do social work, love Islam and follow Islamic principles and even studied in other countries. Therefore, I wish to find solutions of our home problems from my religion.

I would be highly thankful for your immediate guidance.
Allah Hafiz

 x x x

Dear Sister-in-Islam


Your email refers. I have noted the contents. Since you have not really detailed the exact and precise cause of the problems encountered by your family, it is difficult to offer you any specific advices.

Therefore the advice I will offer will be more of a general nature. These points offer a general solution to most of the common problems in life.

1. Deep and inner peace of mind and heart is called "Sakinah" according to the Qur'an. The Qur'an has declared that "Sakinah" descends from the sky on to the hearts of true Mu'mineen (Believers). This shows that true peace of mind is not related in any way to the material things of this world. Therefore, people with lots of wealth and material comforts are not always the happiest people on earth. The poorest people are not always the most unhappy because Allah has not placed success in material things.
2. Any person who wishes to be happy and full of peace of mind and tranquility must work towards attaining "Sakinah".

3. Since "Sakinah" comes from Allah alone, it is very important that every effort must be made to please Him, keep Him happy and be obedient to Him. Thereafter, a person asks Allah to grant "Sakinah", and Allah will grant this "Sakinah" to such a person. Then if the person has nothing or little of the world, Allah will still grant him this special peace of mind just as he had done for our Nabi (sallallahu-alayhi-wasallam) and his friends.

4. The way to please Allah is to follow all of Allah's orders, big and small. The more a person becomes obedient, the closer he will be to Allah, the more will be the peace of mind and happiness of this person.

5. There are hundreds of things to do and scores of things to stay away from to please Allah, but a few important ones are being mentioned here as it is not possible to go into details.

5.1. Most important of all is to hold true and correct Aqeedah and Beliefs in one's heart. Even one incorrect belief is absolutely deadly.

5.2. Next is Salaah – 5 times a day. This is non-negotiable. For the validity of Salaah, there are some rules that have to be followed and this requires some basic knowledge.

5.3. So knowledge of all the basics of Islam is extremely important to acquire from reliable scholars or their books.

5.4. A person has to spare time to read the Quran daily and to remember Allah through Zikr as this leads to peace of mind.

5.5. One has to stay away from all sins, as these will nullify the effect of any good deeds done and will bring great misery; drinking alcohol, eating Haram, earning forbidden livelihood, using interest, listening to music, backbiting others, slandering people, being suspicious of others, jealous about them, having an illicit love relationship with a stranger, casting glances at strange men/women, etc. These are examples of some of the forbidden things.

6. Thereafter, for love and unity in the family, all members of the family must adopt a policy of tolerance, patience, Sabr and must fight tendencies of anger and spite. Family-based activities enhance the family bond.

May Allah Ta'ala solve all your problems and may He make your future a good and happy one. Was-Salaam.

Mufti Z. Bayat
South Africa.

Article taken (with Thanks) from Darul-Ihsan Research and Education Center


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This page was last updated on June 14, 2003 .